Sweet Temptation
by horrorshowptista
Summary: Murdoc is entrusted with his brother's prized bottle of rum. But will temptation be too much? Oneshot. No pairings. Phase 1. Just for laughs
1. Chapter 1

**Enjoy droogies:**

From the Desk of Hannibal

To my sodding brother,

Hello, Mudsy. Long time no see. Listen up wanker, I'm in town and got a job for you. I always travel with my prized possession, a bottle of rum from 1629, never opened, aged to perfection, and priceless. Usually, I hire someone to look after it but I gave my body guard a vacation in Bora Bora. So dullard, you have to watch it. For free. I'll be back for my precious in about 2 days. Drink some: you die, break it: you die, demand pay: you die, fuck this up, death is yours Mudsypoo. And don't give me any of that "I sold my soul I can't die" shit, you're not the only one with connections down there minger.

I hate you,

Hannibal Niccals.

Murdoc red the note again and let it fall to the floor. He opened the package on the doorstep to find it. His jaw dropped as he stared at in in awe.

"Priceless Booze." He sighed to himself. His trance was broke by 2D tapping on his shoulder.

"Murdoc, wot is tha' bottle you got there? It looks like it's filled with shi-"

Murdoc raised his hand to interrupt, "TIS!" he said, sloshing the contents around inside, "Is a priceless bottle of rum from 1629." He raised it in all of it's glory on one hand

2D jumped for it.

"Gimme a sip! I wont priceless rum! Please, please, please, pleeeeease!" 2D was begging but was answered with a slap on the head

"NO! This belongs to Hannibal, and he'll kill me if anything happens to this" he said as he stared at it. "This is going somewhere safe!" Murdoc took it to his Winnie and set it on a shelf near his bed, to keep it in view even when he was tired. "And now," he said as he sat down, eyes glued on the bottle "to watch."


	2. Chapter 2

Murdoc glanced at the clock, 1:36 AM.

"Bollocks, I've been staring at this for 9 hours!" he rubbed his eyes. "One more day." He reassured himself. "Hang in there Mudsy." There was a bang on the door,

"Murdoc, I would like some rum please." 2D was standing outside in his pajamas with a plastic cup with a bear on it in his hands. "Pleeeeease! Then I promise I'll go on to bed!"

Murdoc groaned and opened the door.

"No" he grunted

"Bu-"

"No"

"Murd-"

"No"

"I love-"

"No!"

"Plea-"

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" he roared and slammed the door. Murdoc collapsed onto his bed and felt his eyelids droop. "Dullard" he muttered.

Murdoc woke to 2D, cup in hand, attempting to open the bottle quietly.

"Gah! Get out!" he threw a shoe at 2D and the poor lad scampered out the Winnie.

"It stinks in there anyway!" he shouted

Murdoc looked at the bottle, still on its shelf, unopened and safe. "That looks really good right now." He said to himself. "No! You can't drink it!"

"Yes!" said the voice in his head

"No!" he replied

"Do it"

"No"

"C'mon, I'm thirsty"

"Fuck you!"

"You're fucking yourself then"

"Gladly, I mean, we're Murdoc!"

"Oh yeah! Hrmhrm… Drink it"

"No!"

This continued for about 10 hours until he gave in. Murdoc grabbed the bottle, and chugged it all. It burned his stomach and had something chunky in it.

"THIS SHALL NOT GO TO WASTE!" he declared as he noticed a few drops left at the bottom. They wouldn't slide to the mouth so his stuck his long tongue in. But once he tasted the lastfew drops, he realized he couldn't get his tongue out.

"O swet" (oh shit- he can't talk right with his tongue in a bottle c:)

He tried everything. The bottle wouldn't come off. Finally, he left the Winnie to find Russel.

"Raaf!" (Russ!) "Raawal!" (Russel!) He was nowhere to be found but 2D waked in and fell on the floor he was laughing so hard.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAA! Mudsy! Ha! You-you-you've got somethan' right there on ya face! HAHAHA!" 2D got smacked. He rubbed his head and continued laughing.

"What funny?" asked Noodle, bouncing in. She too fell on the floor laughing. "Murdoc-san, you have bottle on face! Heeheehee!"

"Oy," said 2D, "How come I get a smack cause I lawf and she doesn?"

"Becaaa, se a ak pwincs an yaa o fbasake!" (because she's an Axe Princess and you're a faceache)

Noodle was still laughing but mangaged to say, "Why no break? Just dirty bottle!"

"Becaa, iw pwiclas!" (because it's priceless)

"Ohhh!" she said, "I get- spray butter!"

"Na! Na! Na! Na! Na!" (No! No! No! No! No!) he said, waving his hands, "Noodl- sta!" but was interrupted by a spritz of butter on his face. "Sta!" (stop!) but she kept spraying. The saltiness was making him gag and make his eyes water.

"NOW- 2D-san, you pull bottle, I hold arms!" she instructed.

2D grabbed the bottle and tugged it as hard as he could. Murdocs eyes nearly popped out of his head. He pulled Noodle off of him and slapped 2D.

"Waa ib Russaw?!" (where is Russel!?)

"What's the prob?" said Russ who just entered the kitchen. There was a loud thud the moment he saw Murdoc due to him falling on the floor, roaring with laughter.

Murdoc crossed his arms furiously, "Jus pul bis blody bawl o maa tunb!" (Just pull this bloody bottle of my tongue!)

"You try spray butter?" he asked, cracking his knuckles.

"Hai!" said Noodle.

"Aight. Les do this." He grabbed the bottle and pulled as hard as he could. It almost came off. "I need something slippery." He said.

"Got it!" said 2D. He opened the fridge and grabbed the first thing he saw- some hot sauce. He smiled and said, "Here you go Mudsy!" as he poured hot sauce all over his tongue.

Both of Murdoc's eyes turned red. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWW!" he screamed. He ran around Kong, screaming until he hit the wall by the front door. "Naw! Naw!" (No! No!) he shouted as he watched the bottle crack into two, fall, and shatter. He stood there, staring at the broken glass, tongue still hanging out of his mouth.

"Well Mudsy," said Hannibal, who was standing in the doorway, "time to die."

Hannibal was so taken with Noodle's cuteness that he took the band out for dinner at a fancy restaurant- that is- except Murdoc, who spent the night in his Winnie, nursing wounds from being used as a human punching bag and picking broken glass out of his tongue.


End file.
